*Slow life in high summer

{Music: Come with me – Moux}

Due to the circumstances I leave my bed only to care for Sunny and the plants or to pick fresh herbs for my tea. I'm so happy with my chamomile plants. I usually prefer mint teas, but fresh chamomile tastes amazing! And to see how the Zinnia are opening more and more flowers with every new day, is lifting my spirits when melancholia get's too overwhelming. 

{The beautiful teapots are handmade by my dear Daria}

My sister also uploaded a new video where she shares the progress of her gardening and farmhouse renovation. You can see it ---> here

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*on the alp + some words

Another week has passed and I'm still in a state of weakness, on the weekend I got another round of relapsing fever which was very exhausting, but at least I could sleep twice a day to shorten the time of being here. I can't believe that this is already going on for a month now, it's not how I have imagined this summer to be at all. After the last hell of a summer, I did not directly have plans about this one, but I wanted to be able to at least have a summer, if you know what I mean. What will it burn away from me this time? I realize that I did not look after my boundaries well enough, when it comes to letting others invading me with problems that are not made to be solved by me. Of course we can have an open ear for others, but there are people out there who actually do not want to sincerely get rid of their problems, rather they use them to get your attention and energy. And when you get sick in a way that bleeds you dry in energy as much as Neuroborreliosis does, you start to think about where you have let yourself bleed out of energy or let certain people suck you out like a hungry tick and you think deeply about energy management and how important it is to be aware of where your energy goes and that you learn to respect your own boundaries much more even if some people might find it hurtful if you withdraw from them. (You can still love them) The same way as I obviously have allowed to let a tick deplete me completely I have allowed it certain people to do that. Learning to say "stop" and "no" is an ongoing issue in my life. I think many of you can relate to this! Anyway, I hope you are enjoying your summer a lot more and are collecting many little precious moments! 

I did not make many pictures when being on the alp last month, but I remember well how uplifting it felt to be on top of this mountain and feeling the fresh air on my body, it is really hard to be down when you are up so high! Much love + until soon!

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*Garden update

What is more salutary

than a garden,

that is growing just for you?

So much has changed already since I made those pictures at the beginning of the month. In the meanwhile the heat has dried the luscious green away and it looks more like it usually does at the end of August, but maybe it reduces the snails a bit, I would really appreciate to have at least one zucchini for myself, but observing how the snails enjoy those plants is also nice. Such tender animals. More and more Zinnia are starting to bloom and not long and I will be finally able to harvest the first tomatoes. Until that I keep having further fresh cucumber salad every day. What is your favorite? Could you pick one? I find it hard to pick a favorite.

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*Hands full of flowers

There is not much that I can share with you right now – I spend most of my time in bed. We are having another heat wave and so I save up all energy to be able to water the garden beds in the late afternoon. As the summer feels too much in my current state, my daydreams are going towards autumn already. When the sun feels softer on the skin and the mornings are filled with magic and mist.

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*Plush love

My dear friend Marie has started to revive her blog again which makes me very happy! She makes the most wonderful soft toys and she was so kind to send me this elephant in spring and only recently she also sent me this cute little lamb! I love how nostalgic her animals appear and the soft fabrics she uses and those sweet little details. Feel free have a look at her blog and all the lovely things she creates and shares!

---> Maries kleines Nähstübchen

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*eternal rose

I remember how my dear old neighbor lady was worrying about her roses when she was not able to care for them anymore. Now five years have passed since her death and no one was caring for her house that is slowly falling into decay, but her roses are still blooming more wonderfully than ever.

Thank you for your caring words to my last blogpost,

thank you for being here with me!

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*A cup of suffering

Sadly it turned out that I do not have a relapse from last years borreliosis infection, it is a new infection. I can hardly believe that this happens to me. When is it enough? Apart from the physical torture, the toxins of that bacteria affect the mental health as well which makes it hard to keep will to live. I wish I could tell you something more uplifting right now, but it would feel like pretense.

I worked so hard over so many years now to build up a life and business and as soon as I feel as if it could work out finally, life pushes me down to the ground and smashes my results. This pattern is repeating my whole life and I feel so tired of standing up again.

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*On the alp, between cows and wild horses

{Music: Ava – Serge Dusault}

Memories from our little camping trip in the Styrian mountains. One of my favorite moments was when the horses started to galloping through the meadow. So much strength and freedom!

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*garden romantic & morning tears

A little bit of garden romantic on 35mm film and a rare visitor, a dragonfly. It makes me wonder why it is leaving it's wetland area to visit our garden. Same I'm wondering with the seagulls that are sometimes sitting in the fields here.

I'm struggling a lot right now, last week I have been mainly in bed again. It seems like my body is remembering the torture that started last summer and reacts to it. The damage in my nervous system makes me feel so much disgust for so many smells and tastes. In general for everything that reminds me of that time and I feel a lot of fear when symptoms return and it affects my mood a lot. I feel even guilty to write this as I do not want to speak too much about it and it does not change a thing. It does not change the deep loneliness it creates and often the reactions of other people about it, make me feel even more alone with it. Crying and praying until God lays a piece of comfort into my heart to be able to go on. I don't know if the day on Earth will come when I do not perceive my body as a prison. Luckily I can escape from it every night for some time. Sometimes it feels as if I was lifetimes away during one night and it is hard to find back into this role I chose to play here in my body. The worst days are those when you open your eyes in the morning and they are filled with tears already.

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*Peonies & the yearning for a simple life

Some weeks ago we visited my sister on my father's farmland where she is also working, but recently started to make the old, abandoned farm house there livable. As a child I was there often with my friend Susanna. We stayed there alone which was very exciting and the days were filled with crafting, singing, exploring and grilling food over the campfire. The nights have been sometimes a bit scary in that old house, but those memories belong to my very favorite childhood memories I have.

The simple countryside life was something that always spoke to me, since very young age. When observing the hands of my grandmother while she was making potato dumplings or sitting with my grandpa on the tractor or bringing the crops with all family members together up the attic, I felt this deep contentment inside of me. Everything felt so close and tangible and there was no need to drive to shops with the car or outside the city until being surrounded by nature. Of course a simple life is not automatic an easy life, but the yearning stays and I am not alone with it. 

My sister feels the very same and one of her biggest dreams is to be able to live in that old house on the farm of my father one day and keeping some chicken and living the life. She also created a new vegetable garden this year and shares her little adventures on her youtube channel. I love her movies and feel very grateful to have her in my life!

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*bird couples

It is known that many birds stay together with one partner for a lifetime, so I thought it would be nice to make ceramic bird couples. I think they are a really nice gift for a wedding couple or dear friends. They almost all found a new home already which makes me very happy. Today in the morning I finally took my time to work with clay again after some break, it felt so good to feel the clay in my hands again. I made some more birds and two hedgehogs. Can't wait to start the kiln again, but it will take some time still. I hope you had a good first July weekend and you are bearing the heat!

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*the tenderness of a snail

First of all: Happy first of July!

We just returned from another little camping trip in the mountains. As we are in the middle of a heatwave, we decided to return earlier to enjoy the last days of R's holiday with my sister and near our saltwater pool. Everything goes slowly in these temperatures and you have to adapt, no matter if you want or not. 

Yesterday I was talking with several people about the unpleasant instagram changes and it seems it is not only me who is still loving the good old blog format the most. Marie, who's beautiful pictures I follow since longer now, felt motivated to start a new blog and I absolutely want to share it with you here: 

---> tea and lemon cakes

I'm so happy! It is really such a cozy place already! And she also has a furry little chihuahua companion! Feel free to follow her, too! I hope more and more people will join the blog community again!

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