*visit from the ice saints

The Ice Saints have been intense this year. The tomato, paprika, and squash plants are still patiently waiting in the greenhouse before being planted into the garden beds. But the cucumber plants are already starting to show their first blossoms, and I’m harvesting fresh salads and spinach every day. On our Sunday walk by the river, we saw two black storks up close. Such impressive birds! I also started painting again and can't wait to share the result with you. I wish time wouldn't pass so quickly!

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*snow around Christmas & winter walks

Just some analogue pictures of the wonderful snow we had around Christmas. The month is already coming to an end again. It has been difficult in many ways, but I can feel how, slowly, a bit of stability is growing in me. Like a shy little tree seed still hidden beneath a blanket of snow, yet sensing with the returning sun that its growth is only a matter of time.

Over the last two days, it snowed again, but the snow didn’t stay. A little farther up north, however, it is beautifully wintry now and wonderful for long forest walks and following the signs of wildlife. I love reading the traces in the snow!

In the evenings, I'm continue to knit with the handspun wool from my sister, and I also started crocheting a little duck with the thicker yarn. The white one I made in the end of 2025 I gave to my friend Marie, and I thought it would be nice to make another one using this natural sheep wool shade.

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*a deep longing

Even though those pictures were taken in summer, that time feels like a lifetime away already.

Losing my mother in this cruel way left deep scars on me. It was an ongoing torture for those who were allowed to witness or who dared to.

The ultimate comforter is everywhere, just not in your words. So I stopped searching them there. And so I feel like I haven't felt in a long time – like I felt as a teenager. Always searching for something to stuff this longing in me, I feel a strong addiction – but I don't know what for. I want out, out of this body, out of this pain, out of all the senseless conversations with people who are too afraid to go a little deeper, to meet me in the darkness, to open their eyes, because they are too afraid to see themselves in it.

So I seek comfort in the silence, in the little pauses between your words, in the rustling of the autumn leaves, in the flickering of the candle flame, in the icy morning air, in the cry of the crow that has finally found its way back to me.

It's not just the loss, it's the horror I witnessed. The imprisonment. The unquenchable pain. And when I wake up in the nights it feels as if she is still lying there and I'll never be able to find peace again.

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*overflowing heart

Do you like to write poetry?

I do from time to time.

When I am walking alone

in between all the beauty of nature, 

it feels like my heart it overflowing

and the words just drop down from the sky into my head.

Often I do not have something to write with me,

so I loose them again.

Yesterday we had the first really foggy day. It did not take long and I was out to film a bit and take some pictures. Between the young walnut trees and the muted green of the meadow there were two yellow glowing spots of toadflax flowers. It was so beautiful, this suaveness in midst of the mist.

Further I collected some apples and nuts and I'm working on a new crochet project, I feel very inspired and motivated right now which I'm very grateful for. 

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*heralds of spring

The typical April weather has arrived.

After the short warm period, we had some rain.

Sun and clouds are alternating and we have frost again.

Even snow is predicted.

A mix of everything.

I started reading "The ten thousand doors" by Alix E. Harrow and so far I really enjoy it. My favorite morning drink is tumeric tea at the moment, maybe because it has a stimulating effect to the blood flow and is warming the body from inside. Ever since I was so sick in winter I have issues with blood circulation and I lost half of my hair. I never had so little hair in my whole life, but since some days I feel the hair loss goes back a bit and I'm hopeful that they will start to grow back in summer. It was just a too big strain for the body. But the body is really a miracle! It always thrives towards balance again.

Further I started reading & working with the book "The artists way" by Julian Cameron. I was still a teenager when I first read it and I only remember the "morning pages" and I think I did not finish all exercises, so I thought I start with it again. I'm sure most of you know this book already. If so, what have been your experiences with it, did it help you in any way?

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*a still life in a still life

When the weather turned cold, a bumblebee spent the whole day sleeping inside one of my dahlias. It was so sweet to watch. The morning sunlight was beautiful that day, and the mist was slowly crawling over the fields. I created a little still life with an earthen jug I have from the German ceramist and sculptor Joachim Lambrecht. Photography always calms me down, and I love the kind of focus it brings – it keeps me grounded in the moment. She’s my faithful companion through both light and heavy days.

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*pink treat for the eyes

When a storm broke down my dahlias, I cut them and made the biggest dahlia bouquet I’ve ever made – and it looked stunning! By now, I’ve dug up the tubers and stored them in the cellar for the winter. I’m already looking forward to trying a different variety next year.

Do you also have any flower plans for next year?

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*the autumnal table

For some time now, I had been putting novels aside to read more non-fiction, but I missed immersing myself in the world of stories. So I started reading again in the still-dark morning hours, with a candle burning in front of the fogged window. The first sounds, apart from the cars of people heading to work, are the cries of the crows. Then I know the sky is becoming slightly brighter, while the air grows colder. It’s so beautiful to feel it all, to live from the inside. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all the subtle nuances of everything. There is so, so much between black and white – everything, multilayered in all dimensions. Thinking about this reminds me of my early childhood, when I would regularly force myself to think about death. People said there is nothing when you die. I tried to immerse myself in this nothingness, and it created the strangest feelings in me. I cannot say they were pleasant, it was more like falling into an endless hole, yet at the same time, they drew me toward them.

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*flowers, light & a little morning story

On Tuesday evening, I planned that the next day I would ride my bike to the top of the hill in the early morning hours to experience the sunrise. To my luck, the sky was clear. It was the first morning with sub-zero temperatures, and a light layer of frost rested on the world as it slowly awakened. It’s hard to put into words the feelings I had standing there in silence on that hill while the sky turned pink and a huge flock of starlings passed overhead, moving like a shoal of fish in the vast ocean. I decided to ride further to a lonely stone quarry area – usually full of wildflowers and wildlife – to enjoy my morning tea there. To my great joy, everything was glowing golden in those first sunbeams. I don’t know what it is about me and frost, but it always feels as if my soul discovers something in those moments that it has long lost: being surrounded by all the silver and gold glitter in this frozen silence – seemingly rigid, yet full of life and warmth inside.

I hope your heart is filled with the beauty of this earth as well!

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*shades of pink

We had our first really misty mornings the last two days and I could not resist to be outside before the sun was rising and enjoy the wonderful view that was presented in front of me. The most magical time of the year has started. At daytime it is still very warm and I worked a lot in the garden. My dahlias are exploding right now with new flower buds! They can be so different in shade, even though they are the same sort. Some turn out completely white instead of pink and some even have some lilac tones. Every bloom is really unique!

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