*first little happy list of the year

• bare feet on freshly fallen powder snow

• a winter walk around the lake

• playing with watercolor pencils

• feeding the blackbirds

• finishing tax office papers

• a clear sky full of stars

• a very special gift from a dear friend

• orange blossom tea

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*The first and the last sunbeams

Winter light everywhere. Those pictures are still from December. Meanwhile a whole months from the new year is already gone and we had no visible sunshine since a long time. Today finally the sun came out a little which is really a welcome change! We had some heavier snowfall last week and even though the temperatures are quite unstable, the snow made it through all the week and it really helped me a little to shift the focus. Snow has a very calming effect on me. I love the minimal color palette in the landscape. I'm actually happy that I do not have to care for the garden right now and that I can concentrate on other things, although I miss all the fresh food of course. But everything has it's time.

The beautiful, delicate cup and the other treasures are from my dear Olivia from Sweden. She also lost her little furry friend not so long ago, which made me very sad. Life is really so difficult at times. Nevertheless I am trying to create a new "happy list" to not forget the little blessings that are coming my way.

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*Sunny

Eleven days ago Sunny passed away after an intense time for the three of us. Since he had an emergency operation on his heart in 2019 I was very aware that every further day with him is a gift and I was grateful for each and every moment we were able to still have with him since. It was also not always easy, his overall health situation needed a lot of care and attention and we accepted quite some limitations to make it as little stressful as possible for him. In fact the last years I have never been more than two hours per week separated from him. 

A few days before Christmas he had a severe heart attack in the middle of the night, where he stopped breathing and his heartbeat was impalpable anymore. It was a big shock moment for us, of course we thought he was about to die, but after a while a deep breath drew through his whole body and his heart started to beat again. He was alive!

Something similar happened last year in November, it was also a very difficult time then, because the heart issues created much panic in Sunny and he would cling to my body for two weeks straight, but with time and lots of patience he improved again and we had another good year together. So this time I had high hopes that he will make it again if we give him lots of care and time to recover. It was different though than last time. Some things were better, but others were worse. Fortunately he had no panic reactions like last time, but he would have regularly seizures, mostly in the middle of the nights every two days, where every time I thought he would die and it was nearly impossible for me to find inner rest anymore, I was lying awake in the nights just listening to the sounds of his breath and every strange sound made me startle up. We were not able to make walks anymore, because the cold air would give him breathing troubles, but we made little car trips, because he really loved them and they always made him very calm and happy.

The weeks went by and I could not say that he got worse, but he also did not improve and at some point it was clear that it can not go on like this for longer. Two days before he died, we made the last car trip with him and he gave me his last enthusiastic kiss before we entered the car. It was so wonderful to see him so relaxed and happy on that ride. This is also the moment where I can not stop holding back my tears. He gave me so much joy in all those years, just to see his little face, filled my heart with happiness and gratitude.

His last two days were very intense and emotional for me, I would not leave his side anymore and I was singing for him and telling him everything I wanted to say to him still and just be there for him. We were both here with him when he did his very last breaths and it was one of the hardest moments in my life so far, but in the end he had a peaceful expression on his face.

Even though I knew this day will be inevitable and I made peace with the fact long time ago that at some point we have to say goodbye, my body feels like a vessel of tears since and a weightiness lies on me and everything that I do. I know that I can not force anything and have to go through this and let time do it's job. Nothing could prepare me for this deep pain. I hope that writing about it here, can help me a little more to let the last weeks go and taking away the pressure that I felt, because I did not write about it here yet, but it felt wrong to not write anything at all, Sunny was part of this blog too and he deserves this obituary. 

Sunny

Sun of my life,

Love of my soul,

Joy of my heart.

Forever.

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*ceramics

Another part of my recent ceramic pieces.

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*a winter home

A winter home,

a light on the wall,

stars in the trees

and a tear falling from the moon

on a dry autumn leaf.

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*Ceramic things & A new year

{Music: Le Phare – Yann Tiersen + Doria – Ólafur Arnalds + Brave – Joe Kirby}

Here is the little video I was speaking about earlier,

with a good part of my latest ceramic pieces and some outdoor and home moments.

Enjoy!

☙

*shades of the seasons

The everyday change of nature is so comforting to me. Every day there is a different color shade in the fields and skies. We got a visit of a pheasant on our terrace in the morning already and yesterday was the first time that the goldfinches returned to the feeding station since the last winter. They are looking so exotic with their bright red and yellow spots in their feathering.

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*Ceramic moons & hedgehog couple

Finally I sorted out all the pictures I made of my latest ceramic pieces and here is the first part: Ceramic wall moons, a little hedgehog couple and a bird with blue-white flowers. They are all individually formed by hand and each has a little bit different face details.

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*a wintery breakfast

 Another mild day, I noticed that my spearmint plant is already getting new shoots and also some other herbs and I was able to harvest some fresh rucola for today's salad. I'm already starting to crave all the fresh greens from the garden. The veggies in the shops are so tasteless at this time of the year, actually all year around, but in winter it's even worse. I daydream of all the fresh cucumbers, peas and tomatoes and oh all the berries! And fresh nettle tea!

I started to read the last book of "The mirror visitor" series. I love Christelle Dabos way of writing so much! I really hope she will continue writing and I will be able to read many more of her coming books! Have a cozy evening!

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*A new year is here

First post in the new year!

It took me a while to write this blog entry, there was a lot going on that needed attention, caring for Sunny, packing orders, wood work, paper & tax things, loads of laundry that had been piling up lately. It is also usually the time of the year where I like to go through all drawers and boxes to sort them out, I also took up clay work again. We had a calm New Years celebration, with homemade food, playing board games and a little dance under the open sky at midnight. I am cutting a new video where I am showing a part of my ceramics and recent moments. We were wrapped in a thick blanket of fog the last days, but yesterday the sun came out a little to my surprise and it smelled like spring. Spring is far away of course, but there are those certain days in winter that give you a fleeting foretaste of the "bliss season" – you surely know what I mean.

The pictures are from the first Advent week as you might notice on the candle of the advent wreath. The last picture shows my order from my dear Olivia who has only recently opened her first little online shop. I love everything she makes and she sent me those beautiful festive paper cranes that are decorating my home since.

I hope this year will treat you nicely, I really mean that!

I just realized that I entered my 18. year of blogging!

☙