12.7.11

Open for the new

Sometimes it is good to leave the past behind, so I killed 10 of my diaries. Rather I would have burnt them, but that's not so easy in the city, so I drowned them instead in the bath tub until the ink dissolved. Besides my urge to delete the past, I couldn't resist buying this palm tree. On the last picture you can see a card that dear Lisa sent me from her trip to Holland. I just love it and have to look at it over and over :)

22 comments:

Lisa said...

Oh, Claudia, such a radical idea to destroy your diaries! But if you feel like it was necessary, I'm sure it's a good thing. I have to admit that I don't dear to read my old diaries myself, but neither would I kill them... They just stand in my bookcloset, never to be opened again. Maybe I was someone else when I wrote them, and reading someone elses diary is forbidden. They feel kind of holy to me :) It's a strange thing.

I'm glad you like the card! I just had to send it you :)

Take care, dear.

wide-eyed said...

@Lisa: I know what you mean, it was the same for me for a long time, but since some time now I think about what would happen if I suddenly die and I don't want others to read them or leave them with my weird thoughts behind.
Nice to hear that you also write a lot!
I love the card! Thank's again!
:)

eva vercauteren said...

It's such a drastic way to "erase" your past. I was never able to keep a diary as after a few days I just forgot about it. I sometimes regret it, because the writen parts I still have contain some nice memories along with bad ones. But reading the bad ones help me in a way. We already agreed that the past makes us who we are, so one part of me doesn't like it that you did this. But the other part of me knows it's going to help you. And I do hope it helps you processing. :)

Alicia said...

OH Claudia! What a coincidence! I sent you yesterday a little letter and inside it was the same photo that Lisa sent to you!!!

wide-eyed said...

@eva: It had been the good memories that made me keep them for so long and the fear of forgetting them. But I still have many diaries left. It is too hard to destroy them all at once. (some of them I threw into a bonfire some years ago)
I have the strong feeling for needing also more space, I also believe that all things have a certain energy and that this energy holds me back somehow from looking forward. I need more freedom. I always have the feeling that I suffer from a too much and not from a too less in my life. Hard to describe.
I would love to have a room where there is nothing in it, only white walls. But still I have so many things which I think is normal for people who craft a lot.
Diary writing can be quite addictive. I used to write so much, but since some years it got less and less and I am not unhappy with it to be honest.

wide-eyed said...

@Alicia: Oh, that is really a coincidence! But never mind, it is such a lovely picture and it will find also a good place! :)

bambi kann beißen said...

ich kann auch so radikal sein. im loslassen. und das ganze dem wasser zu übergeben. finde ich sehr poetisch. und kein wunder, dass du nicht das feuer gewählt hast. du bist wasserzeichengeborene. bin übrigens auch fisch ;o)

schöne woche wünsch ich dir!

Mia (Somliga dagar) said...

I'm in kind of the same phase... right now I don't want to own more than I can bring if I decide to live in a tree. :-)

(Will answer yr mail in a day or two. Have to think a bit first. :-)

Mdmslle. said...

Wow, wirklich bewundernswert, dein Schritt. Aber manche Dinge muss bzw. will man auch hinter sich lassen. Hauptsache ist, dass du die guten Dinge in Erinnerung behaeltst, auch ohne Papier. Ich habe einmal versucht meine alten Tagebuecher zu lesen und fand es wirklich sehr befremdlich. Mittlerweile fuelle ich lieber Skizzenbuecher! Alles Liebe!

Cobalt Violet said...

What a great ritual! I love it! I may borrow that idea!

wide-eyed said...

@bambi kann beißen: Oh schön, du bist auch ein Fisch, wann ist denn dein Geburtstag? Ich bin sogar doppeltes Wasserzeichen, mein Aszendent ist Krebs :)
Liebe Grüße!

wide-eyed said...

@Mia: I am working since years now to reduce all my things, because deep inside I know that I feel the best when I have only few things like on my holiday trips when I have only the most important things with me.
To live in a tree must be wonderful :) I also think about such things :) :) :)

@Mdmslle: Ja genau, ich denke die wirklich guten Erlebnisse vergisst man eh nicht und die schlimmen Erlebnisse muss man ja wirklich nicht aufwärmen. Skizzenbücher sind was Tolles! Die werd ich glaub ich auch immer haben.

@Cobalt Violet: Thank's for stopping by! You should definitely try it, but only when you feel ready, it's a very liberating feeling!

[s.n.] said...

das muss eine ziemlich überwindung gewesen sein, die tagebücher zu ersäufen. ich glaub, ich könnte es nicht. sicher hat man die ganzen erinnerungen auch im kopf abgespeichert, aber manch kleine details vergisst man von jahr zu jahr immer mehr... :(

liebe grüße,
sarah.

wide-eyed said...

@sarah: Ja, ich denke schon seit Jahren drüber nach so schwer war es mich zu überwinden!

[s.n.] said...

wie geht`s dir jetzt damit?

wide-eyed said...

@sarah: noch geht's mir gut :) mal schaun ob in ein paar Jahren die wehmütige Reue kommt :)

Lilli said...

It's a quite beautiful departure. A brave step, and one I don't think you will ever regret. Probably you will remember the most important parts anway... I did the same some years ago, made a fire. Some I've kept.

(I've had so many problems with my blog, but seems like I can visit and comment now... thank you, Claudia, for your words).

Lilli xx

bambi kann beißen said...

psst! 20.02. und deiner?

Hermine - Journal de jours said...

I would put them in the ground under a tree. For when I regret that I drowned them. :-)

jokemijn said...

oh, i would never be able to drown my diaries i think. I wrote some of them when i was 10 years old and they seem to be part of my childhood memories. Erasing them would really be like erasing my memory, including the happy thoughts. It will always be part of my and when i'm 80 i think i'd like to read them again :) And there has already been a moment when i let someone else read some parts, because they were going through exactly the same things i went through when being young, and she felt so lonely, so i thought this could be of help to her.

But i admire your decision, and when i read your comments i think i better understand how you came to it. I hope it frees your mind and gives you space to let new loves and thoughts enter.

noreen said...

Wie schön es aussieht, wie sie dort liegen. Ertränkt im Wasser.

coco said...

claudia, i just harvested new cardiospermum seeds, this time big ones.
how is your doing? is your's doing ok? if not, i will send some more new big ones. let me know.